On the topic of wedding-planning and clothes-hunting:
Last Thursday, I accompanied my fiancé Rg to a fitting for an upcoming pre-wedding shoot. It was his first time to be styled in fine, dandy suits, and I saw him leave the store feeling rather inspired.
One stylish man in the store told us that suiting was life changing – nowadays, people always open doors for him and treat him differently. While it’s far from Rg’s casual, comfortable style, we tried to imagine how his life could possibly transform once he decides to get into that lifestyle.
For the millionth time, I told him how amazing fashion could be, how it can truly transform a person and affect the way they act and feel. Talking about fashion being transformative always hits close to home – I’m basically living proof that fashion can be a means to fight anxiety. A few tears were shed. (Ironically, I heard about transformative fashion during a trip that eventually caused me a lot of anxiety-inducing moments.)
This is why fashion is such an important part of my life. My relationship with it goes beyond the latest trends, and it was never about impressing other people, being part of the in crowd, or getting special attention. Growing up, it made a lot of sense to use fashion (and beauty) as a motivation to get out of the cave that I created in my head. Every waking day is still a struggle to get out of that cave, but getting to dress myself up became one of those things I could control in cases wherein I’d usually clam up and lose confidence.
In a very meta “I’m aware that panicking wouldn’t do me any good, but I’ll do it anyway. Because… panic!” state of mind, I’ve been finding myself in the middle of a long, dark, and winding road. I don’t quite understand how I always manage to end up there since I almost never leave my comfort zone unless I have to (but maybe, just maybe, that’s the reason), but the path doesn’t look at all alien. I’ve seen it so many times, only I never dared explore it. What I normally do is stay put, wallow in self-pity, and cry it all out until something pulls me back up into the light.
Before going home and calling it a night, my fiancé asked me to stop panicking simultaneously about work and wedding planning (I actually rarely whine, but when I do, it’s bad, lololol), and to trust him to deliver the things that he promised to help me with. I mistook his perpetually calm behavior for apathy, and I was definitely projecting my fears onto him when I started micro-managing and getting worried about not meeting deadlines, potentially screwing up, and maybe having to cram a lot of things towards the latter part of the year. We’re already nearing the end of August, and we only have 4 months left to fix everything.
“We’ll be fine.”, he said, with a reassuring smile on his face. “Don’t worry! No use in getting worked up about things you can’t control. Meanwhile, here’s a list of things we *can* control, and we can work on it together this weekend.”
He held my hand, and together, we started to explore that long, dark, and winding road.
These photos were taken by different people in the shoot using my camera. Post-processed by yours truly.
Read about my interview with L’Official Manila here:
Photography by Andrea Beldua (more photos from this shoot in this album) / Hair by Ricky Diokno (Kiehl’s) / Make-up by Anthea Bueno (MAC) / Sittings by Mags Ocampo / Production by Andrea Ang / Assisted by Shanne Lauron / Shot at Rosa Clara (Greenbelt 5)